The Mysterious Twist

While the rest of the world(Except for Bush, Cheney and O'Riley) is literally jumping up and down with joy, something really insidious has happened to me. The niggling ache that I felt when I rested my weight on my right foot yesterday had grown to a full blown agony by the time I woke up today. I have absolutely no clue as to how I came to twist/ pull/ strain/ sprain my heel. But, I do have a few suspicions
1. I cooked yesterday. Although, my room mate assured me that the Dal Fry that I'd made was perfect, maybe he did not like it that much and did something to my leg when I was curled up in the living room sofa
2. It could have been the girl who carpools with us who I never can make conversation with. She probably thinks I am a bit of a snob and decided to teach me a lesson. Although, I don't see her stealing in to our house at 4am.
3. It could be voodoo. I don't think I have pissed anybody that much, but you never know
4.The US secret Service is definitely a suspect. Did they somehow find out that I was a closet socialist? I've watched X files and catch up on Fringe regularly. The government might have a super secret weapon and decided I was expendable and did something to me.
5. The Thai food that I had yesterday was so bad, my taste buds died! My sprain could just be some unknown side effect. I could've sprained myself while hurrying out of a potential Martyrdom.(I could've died you know! The food was that bad. If I did die though, it 'd be pretty cool. I'd want them to call me St. Red Curry and serve Thai food on my Feast day)
6. I could have sprained it while I was sleepwalking. I do talk in my sleep. Sleep walking would just be another step on my long walk towards a mental institution.
7. It could be Psychosomatic. Well, I do hate our weekly jaunts to the local super market. I would lie, cheat even murder to get out of it, if I could get away with it. Maybe, I don't want to go so badly that, somehow, I have, through my subconscious, managed to convince myself that the agonizing pain in my heel was real just to get away from shopping, cooking and going on a shopping trip! Like I said, I've been watching too much T.V. It also gives me an excuse to refrain from going out in the freezing cold.
8. It could be "Dhrishti". Although, I can't imagine why anybody would be jealous of me? Maybe that Poem was actually good!
9. It could be some sort of witchcraft. God knows, I've pissed off enough women by ogling at them. If making me immobile for just looking sounds a little extreme, you must remember that they call themselves Witches. Of course they are crazy!
10. CIA could have done it! Why? Maybe because they can?
11. My boss could've done it just to get rid of a few manpower allocation problems. HR and the top management could have done it for similar purposes. HR especially have had a very, very deep grudge against me. That's the only theory that explains my Salary and the impossibility of deciphering it, the policies that they put up and the stupid updates that I get too often and the fact that I have to put in much more effort on my appraisals than on work through the year. Although, making a 100,000 people suffer just to get at me does sound a little too extreme. (I don't buy in to my colleagues' theory that they are just incompetent and stupid. There is a conspiracy, my friend)
11. It could be the result of a secret weapon the Paki scientists have discovered, which sometimes fell in to the hands of the Al Queda. Dude, anybody who chooses to live in the Afghan hills when you have so much oil money either has to be really, really crazy or well... just plain bonkers. So, don't ask me to tell you why Osama would choose to target me.
12. I am a Vampire. It is possible you know. Maybe a cool, good looking Vampire like Brad Pitt, or the guy in Angel or better yet the guy in Twilight, when I get all Vampiry. I might have landed with a thud when I transformed from a bat!
13. I might have multiple personality disorder. Maybe I something happened when I was a super-cool Tyler Durden( See Fight Club). Or I might have anterograde amnesia( You know like Aamir Khan and Suriya) and simply forgotten how it happened
14. It could be the Devil you know. I've pissed him off frequently by either referring to him as a jackass or pretending he doesn't exist. I've also confused him often with God, a very reasonable mistake, if you ask me.
15. The Crazy old bugger up above has always had it for me. That sadistic b****** likes making me squirm and raked by doubts and misfortune. That psychotic voyeur is by nature a murderous clown and who knows what he is thinking? He has the power and is crazy enough to do something about my leg. Maybe he did it!